Archive for the ‘For People Who Get Offended by Everything’ Category


May 26, 2009

Flashback to 2006. History exam about Australia’s foreign policies between 1940 and 1970. Essay done (it wasn’t very good because it was supposed to be a formal essay and not contain humorous references to Michael Jackson’s face. Oops), I decided to have a little history-based stream-of-consciousness. The results were, well, interesting.
So without further ado, as I’m sure there will be enough of that later:

Formerly, “An example of what NOT to do with fifteen minutes of a history exam to kill.”
During 1940-1970, Australia was invaded by pink iguanas. Robert Menzies, who drowned in a banana while trying to catch fish using fluffy rabbits, tried to stop the invasion by turning to his left. That way he saw Madagascar, but it drowned too, so he looked to American, which fed him things on sticks. This is why he is a fatty. Big fatty fatty fatty.
After Menzies was Vietnam. He was famous and they let him on television. Television was invented by a great big baboon with furry noses called Fred. The baboon’s name was Humphrey and he was an antelope. So Vietnam was very thin, and so America went to him and tried to feed him things on sticks, but Vietnam protested and became French.
When Vietnam died in 1970, up came Thomas the Tank Engine, who was also known as Gough Whitlam. Gough Whitlam was also a big fatty fatty who tried eating coal but it didn’t work so he went to China. All of the Aborigines in China loved him because he was a big fatty. But the Governor-General didn’t like him, so he killed him. The Governor-General also was a big fat fatty fat fatty who married the Queen and told that to Barry Humphries.
After Thomas the Tank Engine, a drum was Prime Minister because he was also a fatty. This drum was a model and he also went on television. He liked to eat whales, but then the Japanese said “No we want whales” so America bombed Japan and gave the drum a stick so he could eat whales. Then it was 1980 and people were still big fat fat fatties.



March 21, 2008

zomgmouse leads a discussion on post-Freudian string theory, but nobody follows.

The main aspect of deconstructing post-Freudian string theory in terms of pseudo-altruistic Marxism is perhaps the democratising impact of illusionary radical-Cartesian neurology on the clinical wavelengths of the ego and super-ego, together with the concept of the geographically deterministic philosophy of oppressive hyper-poststructuralist calibration. However, post-Modernist, and indeed neo-xenophobic empiricism must be taken into account.
Affirming the presence of quantum absolutism in regular sub-misogynistic Socratic apparatuses, one must extensively undermine intrinsically discombobulating Lacanian cryogenic formulae. Yet it may catastrophically seem to the evolutionary post-colonial caricaturist that intelligent, or even figurative ichthyology cannot be attracted to pre-Palaeolithic Romantic patriotism.
In order that one be able to command the hyper-linguistic gravitational Darwinist criticisms of surrealist matrimonial experiment, it is repeatedly necessary that neo-idealist transformation and to a lesser extent pre-feminist existentialist dynamics be formulaically distressed. The interconnectedness of epistemological paraphernalia can thereby be socio-economically linked to neo-pre-Historicism, and in effect chromatographic-Descartes psychoanalysis of the gastroenterological consequences of post-symbolic approbatory colloquialism of faux-abstract and subjunctive relativity. In essence, what is inherent in schematic industrialist androgyny is the hyper-naturalistic corroboration of Pascal’s ostensibly institutionalised space-time, evident in his ‘pluperfect-progressive phallic probability’ theorem.
There is also the fatalistic issue of the neo-Capitalist gravimetric totalitarianism in conjunction with necrophilic portmanteaux evident in the Platonic ‘traditional-revolutionary chimera’ tautology. Thus, what we ultimately receive is a utilitarian-colorimetric tegestology constituency, verging on absurdism.


Sokal, Alan, Transgressing the Boundaries: Towards a Transformative Hermeneutics of Quantum Gravity