Posts Tagged ‘lemur’

Penguin Purple Catharsis Rant

January 14, 2010

I made this four years ago.
Now, there are many retards out there who don’t know how to spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Well, I think that catharsis should cure it all. Catharsis means release, and that means taking a dump, and if your shit is purple that means you’re fucked. Penguins are fucked too, by other penguins. They make little shit-coloured penguins. Then a bear comes and licks the honey off the penguin. I like sugared honey. With peanut butter. But not purple peanut butter. The guttering in peanut butter is made from a plastic called PVC: Penguin Very Chocolate. Chocolate from Madagascar is 75% or 65%. I live in Madagascar during the holidays. I am a cocaine dealer in Madagascar. Penguins take cocaine. That’s why they aren’t purple. But lemurs aren’t purple either. Because lemurs shit cocaine. That’s why I have so much cocaine. But I never buy crocodile shit because crocodile shit smells like shit. And shit is very smelly. So are elephants’ knees. But elephants don’t eat purple peanut butter. I eat peanut butter, so my hair is very long. But it’s not purple hair. Purple hair has a low boiling point, and so does cocaine. That means if you take methane and put it into a penguin it turns into a lemur and shits out cocaine. Then I export the penguins and they become elephants. Then a dingo comes and eats the elephant. Dingoes shit purple. So if a dingo fucked a lemur, they would shit purple cocaine but that smells like shit. Fractional distillation is a process to separate shit from penguins, lemurs and dingoes. Usually if you use it to fuck elephants you end up with peanut butter. And then the peanut butter turns into purple shit and you then take that shit and inject it into an ostrich and you get something fucked up, purple and addicted to cocaine. Usually a dingo. But if it’s a purple dingo, then it can’t be an elephant’s knee, so it won’t be smelling like shit then, would it. If lemurs were purple AND they ate peanut butter with shit, they get French accents, which mainly consists of putting random penguins in the English flag: peanut butter, cocaine and crocodile shit. They all eat lemurs. The way to drive away a French-speaking lemur is to smear treacle and crocodile shit on the English flag, not penguins and elephant knees. When a purple dingo shits on a lemur, and it then swallows a penguin, then a bear comes and licks honey off the English flag. And peanut butter turns to purple shit and an ostrich comes and spontaneously combusts and reincarnates as a mango. Mangoes like penguins but not lemurs because they are allergic to cocaine, like I am allergic to scissors. Purple mangoes aren’t allergic to cocaine, but only purple cocaine because mangoes are distantly related to dingoes. The English flag is also distantly related to dingoes. So their offspring is purple shit you smear treacle on.